


For My Daughter

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-03
Updated: 2005-06-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin aren't together. There's a child involved. See what happens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Well, it's been almost 2 years since I've seen or spoke to any of the Liberty gang. I miss them. Gosh it was a horrible night, the night I left. You see I told Brian I was pregnant. One night of too much E and drinking and we fucked up. The ever present condom wasn't present. Brian insisted we get tested and we did. A couple of times. Three months later I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Brian kept saying it was the food at the diner that was making me sick. I went to the doctors and after a lot of blood work and other testing they gave me the news. 

 

That night will always play in my head. I was at the loft before Brian. I had this whole speech prepared for him. When I heard the loft door open I froze. 

"Hey", Brian said tiredly. 

"Hey." I walked over to him and helped to remove his coat. He turned and gave me a sweet kiss. I felt this could be easy.

"I have something to tell you." I walked over and fixed him a drink. He walked to the bedroom to change. When he returned to the livingroom I handed him his drink.

"Okay, what do you have to tell me?" 

"I talked to the doctor today, I know what's wrong." I look at him and smile. He raises one eyebrow. "I'm pregnant." Nothing, silence. It's so loud. Now I am afraid.

"Well, aren't you going to say something?" This is really not what I was expecting.

Brian stands up and looks down at me. "What the fuck do you want me to do?" Okay really not what I was expecting.

"How do you feel about us having a baby?" Come on Bri, don't let me down.

"How do I feel? How the fuck do you think I feel?" Brian starts to pace. "I can't do this Justin. This isn't what I want. You've known me for 8 years. Do you think I want to be a full time father?"

"We can make this work." I try to explain to him

"I am going to stay at a hotel for few days. I want you out by the time I get back."

"What about the baby?"

"Oh yeah, congratulations." The sarcasim cuts like a knife. 

 

Anyway that was then. I left the loft that night and now I am in Philidelphia. I wanted to remain close to my mom and sister, they visit often. My mom was there, the day my daughter was born. Amber Caitlyn Taylor. She looks so much like Brian. I had my mom send him a picture. He returned it with a note that read, thanks but no thanks. 

I look down at Amber taking her nap. She turned a year old yesterday. Brian has yet to see his daughter. Hell, he doesn't even acknowledge her. My mom saw him about six months ago. She asked him if he wanted to see a picture. Let's just say the picture remained in my mom's purse. She said she just walked away because it hurt so much. Him rejecting his own child. None of Brian's friends know about Amber. I think this is best, I refuse to try and force her on him.

I gather my things as I hear the baby sitter come in. We talk a minute before I leave for the gallery. I work there and from time to time I put up a few pieces. As I head towards my car I notice someone coming across the street. I look and I am shocked to see Brian walking my way. I walk faster, hoping to reach my car before he reaches me. No such luck.

"Justin." His voice sounds so calm. I turn around and look at him. He just stands there looking at me. "How are you?"

"Fuck you." I turn to open my car door. Brian stops me by grabbing a hold of my arm. "What the fuck do you want? Why are you here? How did you know where I was?" I feel so tired all of a sudden.

"I followed your mother hear about a month ago. I just wanted to see you for a minute."

"Well Mr. Kinney your minute is up."

"Justin, please."

"Please what? Give you a chance to explain? What, you're sorry you abandon your child before birth? Abandon me? What?" I can't believe this man. 

"It's been a while since you had the baby. I was wondering why you haven't tried to obtain financial support. What are you waiting for?" The fucker. I really want to slap the shit out of him right now. 

"Mr. Kinney, go back to your life. I want nothing from you financially or any other way." I look into those hazel eyes that are the same as my Amber's. I look away and once again go to open my car door.

"Cut the Mr. Kinney shit. How the fuck are you going to continue taking care of her on your own? If I am going to end up helping you I wish you'd tell me now. It's not like I want visitation or anything. Just tell me what's going on."

"Don't worry, Mr. Kinney, I want nothing from you. I've stayed away from you all this time. What the fuck makes you think I want something from you now? So, now that we've cleared that up, I have to get to work. Have a good day."

****************************************************************

Two weeks later I am taking Amber to the park. When we get there Amber has fallen aslep. I put her in the stroller and start another sketch of her. I don't know how long I've been at it when a shadow comes across my sketch pad. I look up, there's Brian. I quickly jump up and turn Amber's stroller away from him.

"Are you following me now?" I yell a little trying not to disturb my baby. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see her. I just want..." He stops and looks around. "Justin, please. This picture isn't enough." he pulls out a copy of the picture my mother sent to him. The one he sent back. I look in his eyes and I see something I don't recognize. Is it regret? "I think it's time I..."

Just then Amber starts to fuss. I turn the stroller and pick her up. " Hey there sweetie. Daddy's right here." I run my fingers through her auburn hair. She's the female version of Brian. Brian steps closer and she turns to him. I want to run and never let him near my daughter, but I can't. If he wants to honestly be a part of her life I won't stop him. I won't let him hurt her, we'll have to take this slowly.

Amber reaches out to Brian speaking her baby talk. He looks at me, I nod and he takes her. It's unusal for her to take to strangers like this. Maybe she senses something about Brian. Brian holds her and looks at her and this beautiful smile comes across his face. She reaches up and grabs his nose, he laughs and sits on the bench. I am so confused right now. 

"Justin, she's even more beautiful than I thought possible. She looks so much like Gus. He's going to love her."

"What do you mean by he's going to love her?"

"Everyone knows about her. I told them when I went back to the Pitts two weeks ago. Of course Deb chewed me a new one. Lindsay wanted to rip my balls out. The others just looked at me with such contempt. Hell, even Mikey was upset." He looked at Amber some more and kissed her softly on the cheek. "I want to be a part of her life Justin."

What the fuck do you do in this situation? How do you protect your child from being hurt? They look like they belong together. I reach over and take Amber slowly from his arms. "Brian, I need to think about this. You need to be sure this is what you want. She is not a toy. I don't want her to get use to you and you decide you don't want this."

"I mean it Jus, I want to be her dad. I want you and Amber to return to Pittsburgh so we can get things in order." Oh shit, here it comes.

"Brian, I am not moving back, I have a life here. I like it. I mean, this is where I've been since I left Pittsburgh. This is home."

"Okay, well we need to work out something." I agree with him.

 

Over the next couple of weeks. Brian has come out every weekend to spend time with Amber. Last weekend he took her back with him to meet the family. I had calls all weekend. Everyone one was in love, especially Gus. He loves being a big brother. Some even tried to apologize for Brian. That wasn't their apology to make. Brian returns Sunday evening with Amber and he stays to put her to bed. She loves him so, it's like they haven't spent any time apart at all. Brian comes out of Amber's room and smiles. 

"You did good Justin. She's amazing." I look at him and smile. "Justin, have you ever thought about us? I mean you, me and Amber being a family? Living together? I miss you Justin, I want to try again."

I touch his cheek and look in his eyes. "Brian, you are being a wonderful dad to Amber. Things are going so nicely. I will always love you, nothing will change that. I just can't be with you. We have such an understanding and wonderful friendship going now. I just don't want to mess that up. We are great parents, but terrible partners. It's just not what I want." I hope he understands what I am telling him. "I think we have reached a very mature level in our relationship. We are both behaving like responsible adults, let's keep it this way."

For a few second I see pain in his eyes, it turns to something like understanding. "Okay, if that's what you think is best. Maybe you're right, we are great parents." He stands and prepares to leave. "I'll call you before I leave on Friday to pick her up."

"Okay. I'll have her ready." Brian has rented an apartment not too far from us. This is where he spends his time with her. Sometimes we'll spend a day together, but I like to allow them their alone time. "See you next week."

"Yeah." He leans down and kisses me on the cheek. I smile at him. "Later"

"Later." I smile as I shut the door behind him.

I sit and think about things for a while. I smile at the thought of how mature we are at raising our daughter. There's nothing I wouldn't do to make sure Amber is happy. Letting her be a part of Brian's life as well as the others just may prove to be a nice place to start. You could never have too much love.


	2. For My Daughter

I swear, I really didn’t mean to come down on Justin like that. Somewhere deep inside I know that he didn’t do this on purpose. Fucking Anita and her fucking shit. I should sue the bitch. A fucking baby, like I need another one of those. He had a little sparkle in his eye when he told me. That just pissed me off more. Fuck he’s even more beautiful when he has that sparkle. Why did I act like a complete ass? Fear. Fucking fear. Feeling like it’s too much of a damn commitment. Cementing me in this relationship for life.

When I came back to the loft that night the fucker was gone. I know what I said, but hell I didn’t expect him to leave that fast. I wonder if he went to his mother’s place or Deb’s. No, not Deb’s, I would have heard about this shit by now. Why did he leave so soon?

He was gone for a little over six months when I received a letter from Jennifer. There was a picture of my daughter with the letter. God she’s so beautiful. Being the asshole that I am, I politely sent it all back to Jennifer. Well, not before I made a few copies of Amber’s picture. Amber, I know why he picked that name. Justin says my eyes remind him of amber when I am going through different emotions. He says they ca be as beautiful as amber when it’s in the last stages of burning out. Don’t ask me, he’s the artist.

Everyday I would look at that picture and wonder what they were doing. I wonder where they are living, if they are okay, does my baby need anything. Fuck, there’s no one to blame this wondering game on but my damn self. I was so desperate I finally follow Jennifer a few times to see if it led me to Amber. I was lucky on the fifth try. Fucking Philadelphia, so close but yet so fucking far. I drove out a couple of times and watched them. Justin is wonderful father. 

I watched them Amber’s first birthday. Justin had a few people and their kids over, I wish I could have been inside. I waited until the lights went out in Justin’s place. I took out my picture and realized that I have missed a year of my daughter’s life. I didn’t want to miss any more. I made a decision that evening. I was going to talk to Justin.

How many different languages can you say ‘asshole’ in? I hope you know many. Thinking back on that conversation I made a few new decisions:

_"Justin." My voice sounds so calm. He turned around and looked at me. I just stood there looking at him. "How are you?"_

_"Fuck you." I so deserved that. I stop him from leaving "What the fuck do you want? Why are you here? How did you know where I was?" He looks so tired suddenly_

_. "I followed your mother hear about a month ago. I just wanted to see you for a minute."_

_"Well Mr. Kinney your minute is up."_

_"Justin, please."_

_"Please what? Give you a chance to explain? What, you're sorry you abandon your child before birth? Abandon me? What?" Fuck he’s beautiful when he pissed._

_. "It's been a while since you had the baby. I was wondering why you haven't tried to obtain financial support. What are you waiting for?" Yeah just call me King of Assholes._

_"Mr. Kinney, go back to your life. I want nothing from you financially or any other way." He fucking means this shit. I want to tell him that I don’t mean the bullshit coming out of mouth._

_"Cut the Mr. Kinney shit. How the fuck are you going to continue taking care of her on your own? If I am going to end up helping you I wish you'd tell me now. It's not like I want visitation or anything. Just tell me what's going on." Like I said, I’m an ass._

_"Don't worry, Mr. Kinney, I want nothing from you. I've stayed away from you all this time. What the fuck makes you think I want something from you now? So, now that we've cleared that up, I have to get to work. Have a good day."_

I’ve never been more hurt and proud at the same time. Justin wasn’t taking my shit. Fuck that sexy. Why the hell is my cock twitching? Shit!!

 

Big bad Kinney decides he’s not finished. Fuck no, I want to see my kid. The more I am around Gus the more I realize I want to be a full time father. I kind of good at it hell, Gus loves me. While I was sitting playing with Gus I told him he had a baby sister. I showed him some of the photos I snapped while being a fucking stalker. Now I’m the damn stalker, fuck this. Lindsay hears me talking and of course my balls are in danger. So I just tell the whole family to eliminate the bullshit of it coming from someone else.

Would you believe Mikey wouldn’t speak to me for 2 days? Hell I damn near died when Deb chewed into me. I explained that I am trying to make things right with Justin and Amber. They of course offered up all the ways it should be done. Finally I saw Justin in the park with Amber and I was a man about the whole situation until I assumed I was getting my family back. Me, Justin and Amber. Nope, didn’t happen.

I start to spend my weekends in Philadelphia. I have an apartment not far from Jus. Sometimes the three of us spend the day together, family time. I want Justin so bad I ache. Each time we’re together it gets stronger and stronger. Justin seems so content with this arrangement. Did I really fuck things up to the point of losing him for good? 

During one weekend we went to Chuck E Cheese and the park. We went back to my apartment since Amber was staying with me tonight. 

“Brian, I am sure she had a wonderful day today.”

I smile at him, “Of course she has a good time with her dad. I’m the cool one.” Justin laughs and rolls his eyes. “ I miss hearing you laugh. I miss you period.” I stand and go sit next to him. He smells just like I remembered. I reach out and touch his cheek and he leans into my touch. I lean in and taste those beautiful lips. As the kiss deepens I slowly push him back onto the sofa. I can’t get enough of his taste, I want to taste all of him. I reach for his cock. Justin stops me, he breaks the kiss.

“Brian, we can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

I stand and look down at him. “So what was that just now? Nothing?”

“It was us about to make a mistake. I think we are sharing so much love for Amber we are confusing the feelings.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I know the difference between my love for Amber and my love for you.” Fuck!!!!! Did I just tell him I love him? 

“Brian, I am not going to jump on that slip you just made. So stop looking like I have a knife in one hand and you cock in the other. I just can’t go back to how things were. I like my life the way it is. I’m happy.”

Shit, what do I do now? “Justin, just hear me out.” I walk to Amber’s door and check on her one more time. “As you know I love our daughter. I’m here for her always. I want to see what can happen between you and I to make us a complete family. When I was being an ass and not wanting to see her, I was really being a coward. Growing old, being tied down and all the usually bullshit.” I fix a drink to gather my strength to go on.

Justin stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders. “I know what you want. I’ve dreamed about it also, but I’ve faced reality. It can’t happen with us. I would like to know why you really decided to involved with Amber.”

“Well, it started with being around Gus. I thought to myself what an ass I was. Staying away from my daughter due to irrational fears. I didn’t want her growing up feeling like I didn’t want her. I know what that’s like. I needed to start showing her how loved she is. Hell the gang adores her. I am totally and completely in love. I need and want her to feel this.”

We ended this night agreeing to make things work for our daughter. I would do anything to secure her happiness. I just couldn’t give up on Justin. When I dropped Amber off on Sunday I tried again to convey to Justin how much I wanted us to try again. Justin helped me to realize that we are doing fine like we are. Everyone is happy and we are good parents. I am a good father to both my kids. My father’s bullshit will not infect my kids. 

After I left Justin’s place I had time to think on my drive back to the Pitts. I walked into the loft and I just needed to talk to him. I had one more thing to say to him. I dialed the familiar number, heard the voice I love hearing and I had to tell him.


	3. For My Daughter

**Brian’s POV**

 

Brian was a little nervous about what he was doing. Justin’s voice went right through him and for once it went to his heart and not his groin. Brian took a deep breath and prayed he would say the right things, the things he were feeling.

“Justin, I need you to sit down, this could take a while”.

“Brian is everything okay? Is anyone hurt?” Justin spoke quickly.

“No, everything and everybody is fine. Are you sitting?”

“Yes”, Justin was getting nervous.

“Okay. Justin when I met you all those years ago I never thought it would become what it is now. The thing is I knew there was something different about you. You just immediately claim a spot in my life as well as my heart. Justin, I’ve loved you since the prom…”

“Brian, what…” I had to cut him off before I lost my nerve.

“Justin, I love you. I think I may have fallen for you all over again since spending time with you and Amber. Seeing you as a father has shown me a side of you that was once mine and mine alone. I see what I walked away from and I want, no, I need that again. I’ll understand if you want to take things slowly.” What the fuck, is that a tear trickling down my cheek? Fuck!!

“Brian, are you still there?” 

“Yeah.”

“Brian I love you too. That will never change. Do you know how it makes me feel to hear you say you love me? I’ve waited so long to hear this but, is it enough? There are so many things to think about. I’m fucking shaking just thinking of hearing those words come from you to me.”

“Sunshine, I know now that my happiness can be found with you. I don’t want to be with you because of Amber. I want to be with you because it’s where I should be. Where I belong. Do you know how many nights I use to watch you sleeping and tell you I loved you? You would smile and move in closer to me. I was always afraid you’d heard me.”

God, I can’t believe I am telling him this. Honestly, he deserves to know that this isn’t the first time I’ve told him I love, just the first time he’s heard me.

Justin sighs and I can hear the tears in that sigh. “Brian why were you afraid to tell me?”

Can I tell him this without sounding foolish? Will he laugh? What the hell I called to let him know my true feelings so buck up Kinney and open your fucking mouth.

“I was afraid that it would change us. I was afraid that if I told you I would be opening myself up to nothing but pain and heartache. Most of all I was afraid you’d use it against me. You would realize the power knowing I loved you can have and abused that fact.”

Justin started laughing with the tears, “Mr. Kinney, you are an ass. If you would have told me you loved me back then I would have responded the same way I did just now. I love you, Brian, always. You were my first everything. I would never intentionally hurt you. There are so many reasons to why we shouldn’t try again. Brian I need to think about this.”

We talked for a bit longer and I decided to go with the flow. In away I am proud as hell of Justin. There was no over reaction from him about my say I love him. I think that’s what made it all the more easier. I guess I will just have to wait and see where we end up. No matter what I will be there for my daughter. Amber, my sweet Amber. 

 

Epilogue

Three years later.

I wish I could tell you that Justin and I gradually made our way back to each other. I wish I could tell you of some romantic times we shared alone. I wish I could tell you that we found a way to build a comfortable life as a complete unit. I wish I could tell you that I stopped tricking. I wish I could tell you about the family gatherings we enjoyed as a family among the family. There are so many things I wish I could tell you.

I can and will tell you one thing, all of the above is true. Yes, I have my Sunshine as well as my Sunshine baby. Amber is going on four. Justin didn’t make it easy for us to be together. The little twat was clear on what he wanted, needed and what could be compromised. He also wanted the same from me. He no longer allowed the Kinney Bullshit to affect him. He says the way we are mature parents should show that we could have a mature relationship. Oh I am so fucking screwed with how much I love this man.

I feel a pair of arms come around my waist and soft lips on the back of my neck.

“What are you doing out here?” Justin questions as he kisses me again. Those lips are going to be my undoing. 

“Just thinking about how we made it to where we are now. Happy, a family and hopefully adding to it.” I sneak that one in, but as usual he calls me on it.

“I’ve told you Brian, if you want another kids you’ll be carrying it not me.”

 

**Justin’s POV**

He is completely nuts if he thinks I am going through another pregnancy. Asshole, that shit fucking hurts. Of course he’ll drop the subject now. I go back into the house and sit on the sofa. We’ve been together now for 2 years. It took a year for us to get to know one another again. Would you believe Brian Kinney took me out on dates? Yes and he didn’t fuck the waiter. Brian was so open to the talks about what we expect from each other. The first thing we agreed on was the thinking we each have the ability to read the others mind. The tricking we compromised on, that was a tough one. I accepted the fact he couldn’t just stop cold turkey. Over the last two years he has slipped up 3 times. How do I know? We talked about it, I respect his will to change on the tricking.

There were some subjects that caused a little bump in the road. What is it that the realtors say, ‘location, location, location’? Well we are living in Pittsburgh. Hey, I said we compromised, I would never want Brian to be the only one to make them. I got a job at a gallery here and it’s even better than were I was in Philly. We found a great home, it has a wonderful backyard that any kid would love.

I wish I could say it was easy, but this is us, Brian and Justin. We’ve had some hum dingers. I think it would have been easy, it wouldn’t be as good as it is. There were times I wanted to murder Brian in his sleep. I am sure the feeling is mutual. There were times Brian slept at Mikey’s or I slept at Daphne’s. I think we are equally fucked up and that’s why it’s working out.

Brian makes his way to the sofa and sits beside me. He has something on his mind. Please don’t let this be one of those nights we sleep in different houses.

“Justin, would you like to have another kid?”

“Sure, as long as I don’t have to carry it.” I look at him and he’s smiling. “Brian, are you saying you’ll carry our next child?”

“Fuck no. I past the child bearing years.” I have to seriously roll my eyes at that one. “What about Daph or a surrogate?”

Is he serious? Daphne’s husband would flip. “Well, we could look into a surrogate.”

He starts to kiss me and I feel my cock responding. “Sunshine, we may look into a surrogate but, nothing is stopping us from performing the act of making a baby. Now, let’s get upstairs so I can pound that amazing ass of yours.”

I jump and run up the stairs. We may not be perfect but, we go well together. Now I am I love to make love, but there’s nothing like a good old fashioned Brian Kinney fuck.


End file.
